This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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