i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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