Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
