I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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