I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
