i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize