I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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