So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my being single is dangerous.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
