I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize