her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what day is it and did you see me today?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
