i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
