"it" just moved
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
