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gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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