True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
