she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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