Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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