and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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