I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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