Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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