I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
