I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
