And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
