I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
