But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
