If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
