today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm really busy with my period
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