Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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