nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
