I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
no, he came in my armpit
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I want a musical about memes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
