Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
