she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
