So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want her autograph on my taint
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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