Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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