The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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