and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
