some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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