I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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