Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I looked at my own cervix.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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