dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
