Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
