Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
