i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
