Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
