First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
