I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
