You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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