According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
