I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
