I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize