am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
