i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
