Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
