Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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