two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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