maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
