??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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