the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
