I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
