I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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