Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
