Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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