I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
