Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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