I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bring me that man meat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
