i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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