On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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