once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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