the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize