Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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