oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
