Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
