in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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