That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
