I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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