I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
