i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
