no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
