He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
