he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
