Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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