i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
