The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
