When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
