So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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